March 31, 2011 - Baseball's Cold Open

baseballs opening day It's a crisp, cool, 30-something degree day out here in Chicago, which can only mean one thing...OPENING DAY...oh, and it will probably start snowing soon.

warren buffets heir apparent retires - What? Seriously? Where do I apply to fill this position?
ivory coast unrest continues - Just in case you forgot, Ivory Coast was kinda doing that whole civil unrest thing before it was even cool.
nato takes command in libya - I still have no idea who this NATO guy is, but he's got a tough job ahead of him.
microsoft files european antitrust against google - If anyone knows anything about antitrust lawsuits, it's Billy Gates and the boys at Microsoft.

sea animals on the attack recently Well, to be fair, they're not really attacking so much as flopping into your boat helplessly...

twin babies talking to each other - To clarify, when I say talking, it's not like those E*Trade baby commercials...thank God.
woman chokes old walmart greeter - Some days I wonder if being a Walmart greeter is more dangerous than working on one of those crab boats on Deadliest Catch.
k-fed expecting another child - Even though it might not look like it in the picture, it's his girlfriend that is pregnant...not K-Fed.
godaddy ceo kills elephant - Most people find this almost as offensive as those stupid Super Bowl commercials the company puts out.

al gore Our former vice president nearly became our former president, but he's probably better off, considering all the money he's made (and chicks he's met) from telling people about this global warming stuff.