February 4, 2011 - A Few Words From Big Ben (Bernanke)

bernanke says we need more hiring
Really Short Story: I'll sum it up for you: It's good, but not great, and we need to do more hiring. I guess I could have told you that, though.

the OTHER big news:
jpmorgan knew of madoff fraud? - Well, allegedly they had an idea that there was a chance that maybe the returns were too good to be true…as if anyone would have listened to that kind of nonsense.
andy pettitte retires - You know, the guy who did 'roids with his dad and Roger Clemens!
chicago's lake shore drive opens - But, if you're there looking for the car you had to abandon there in that blizzard, I'm not entirely sure where it is...
mubarak to step down? - Well, you see, he definitely would, but it would probably be bad for the country…although, I guess if you think about it, things aren't exactly going great now…
lawrence taylor
February 4, 2011: lawrence taylor Day!
WHY?: It's possible that the man they call LT has kind of gone off the deep end this past decade or so because he's so frustrated by people referring to LaDainian Tomlinson as LT too (as if no one had ever used this nickname!) Of course, it's also possible that he has never been in the shallow end. Even in his playing days as one of the most dominant defensive performersin NFL history, it was pretty widely known that he was using cocaine, maybe because he failed severald drug tests. His drug problems only escalated after his career, when his "acting" and "entrepreneurial" career didn't work out, and he spiraled downward to the point where he was arrested for "patronizing" a 16 year-old prostitute.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
garth brooks - The original crossover country star paved the way for people like Taylor Swift…oops.
chris rock - He's come a long way from being a mediocre performer on Saturday Night Live.
ashton kutcher - In some ways, we've all been punk'd into letting this guy get so successful.
lil wayne releases green bay rap
Apparently, Lil Wayne forgot his New Orleans roots during his jail stint. Either that, or he's a huge fairweather fan.
mom forges recruit's letter of intent
I guess she was just really looking out for her son…although, she may also have been promised a large sum of money by Ole Miss.
kind of awesome car crash
If you're going to crash your car, the least you can do is stick the landing.
goalie fight
There's something awesome about a normal hockey fight…but that's nothing compared to a GOALIE FIGHT!
verizon iphone review
Go ahead, you know you want to look and find out what new button the Verizon iPhone has. I won't judge you…much.