February 16, 2011 - Swimsuit Issue, We Got It Covered

sports illustrated swimsuit cover
Really Short Story: This year's issue will be graced by a cover model who dates an athlete who is semi-famous (at best) here in America, but not one that is currently starring in a movie with Adam Sandler.

the OTHER big news:
cbs reporter attacked in egypt - This makes that Anderson Cooper attack look like downright playful. This is actually a really bad story…
political unrest in bahrain and iran - Speaking of insanity in the Middle East, I guess certain other countries just saw Egypt's latest Twitter updates and have decided to follow suit.
albert pujols contract situation - Little PR tip for Mr. Pujols: don't televise your decision if you choose to leave St. Louis. Also, maybe change the pronunciation of your last name?
deutsche borse nyse merger - What does this merger mean for you? Nothing at all, just keep praying to the magical forces that control the stock market.
kim jong-il
February 16, 2011: kim jong-il Day!
WHY?: In 2009, North Korea amended their constitution to refer to Mr. Jong-il as the "Supreme Leader." That's pretty much all you need to know about him…if you happen to live in North Korea. However, if you happen to live in part of the free world outside of his little kingdom, the only thing you really need to know about Kim Jong-il is that he looks like the little old Asian lady you see walking down your block every now and then, but not as well-dressed. He has great ambitions for his little country, but I suppose that's about as effective as this little 4'2" nearly 70 year-old man having NBA dreams, as it seems the country is ruled mainly by the delusions of its dimunitive leader.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
michael jordan - The greatest athlete to ever live. Could he be making another comeback?
paris hilton - The greatest talentless heiress to ever live.
lou diamond phillips - The greatest late 80's actor with the middle named Diamond to ever live.
crazy crossbow killer
Well, if he's not an insane killer, he's a killer with a very active imagination.
charlie sheen calls espn radio show
Let's be honest, any time Sheen is spending not physically doing drugs or soliciting prostitutes is probably a good thing.
coke's secret formula
Here's a big hint: it's mostly sugar and carbonated water.
super car coming to u.s.
I know it's a little expensive, but I'm pretty sure it doubles as a time machine.
computer dominates jeopardy
Alright, we get it, computers are smarter than humans.

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