February 10, 2011 - Keep Your Shirt On...Seriously

congressman shirtless photo scandal
Really Short Story: Listen, I'm sure the ladies love these risque texts that men in positions of power seem to find so popular these days, but that's only because they can end up selling them to the media for big money. If you want to learn more about texting, talk to your kids, not Brett Favre.

the OTHER big news:
nyse euronext and deutsch borse - These two are in talks of a merger. If you have any idea what that means, you probably need to simplify your investing strategies.
rep. giffords speaks - My guess is that she heard that her husband is leaving her side to go play astronaut with his buddies.
ipad 2 in production? - Don't worry, I'm sure they will make another iPad eventually. They'll probably even charge you a few extra bucks for that new number at the end of the name.
egypt's to-do list - The White House has put together a to-do list for Egypt…hopefully it doesn't involve making "Walk Like An Egyptian" the new national anthem.
glenn beck
February 10, 2011: glenn beck Day!
WHY?: Glenn Beck is as nutty as his fat, sweaty, often-crying red face looks, often piecing together some barely coherent conspiracy theories and making them public via his FoxNews television program or his radio program. Of course, he is also very popular and has written 6 New York Times #1 Best-Selling books. Make of that what you will, but it's probably doesn't speak very well of the current makeup of this great country. Of course, he's also a former drug and alcohol addict who divorced and then married another woman before converting to Mormonism about a decade back. Oh, it also doesn't hurt to mention that he makes some $30+ million annually getting fired up about the injustices committed against all you regulary everyday Joes out there.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
taylor lautner - He's the hottest young vampire/werewolf/whatever out there, I guess.
jennifer aniston - Proof that all it takes is one lucky casting break to achieve a lifetime of fame.
sarah palin - Your next President? Only if that is followed by the almost-immediate downfall of the country.
city won't name building after mayor
It actually has very little to do with his mayoral skills, and more to do with his ridiculous name…or at least that's a pretty good excuse.
school eats bad brownies
I feel like high schools across the country should probably have a standard form letter for this kind of occurrence.
polite gas station robbery
"Hey, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have all that cash in the register, you know, so I don't have to use this gun to end your life."
royal wedding condoms
What better way to celebrate the royal wedding than trying to prevent creating the birth of another commoner.
fun family feud answer
I'm sorry, but I refuse to acknowledge Steve Harvey as an original king of comedy while he's hosting the Family Feud.