January 20, 2011 - Simon No Longer Says

american idol new judges debut
Really Short Story: If you like seeing people harshly judged, the new American Idol may not be for you.
Short Story: Well, if you were looking forward to watching a bunch of horrible singers being told, very creatively, just how bad they were by a man in a tight v-neck shirt with a distinctive British accent, then I have to imagine you were a little disappointed in last night's return of American Idol. Of course, if you were looking for various horrible singers to be called "dog" and told that singing just wasn't their thing and they were a little pitchy, then you probably enjoyed last night's American Idol. As for the rest of you, who were just interested in seeing how the new judges, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez would perform, well, the jury is still out. Of course, if you're still missing Paula Abdul and her, uhhh, altered state of mind, I think she has her own dance contest show now. rainn wilson
January 20, 2011: rainn wilson Day! - Depicting everyone's worst coworker nightmare to perfection.
WHY?: Rainn Deitrich Wilson is a name which can only be topped in it's unusual nature by the name Dwight Schrute, which is of course, the character that Wilson plays on NBC's The Office. As you may have guessed, Wilson has played other roles in his career, but for better or worse, he will probably forever be linked with the coworker that America loves to hate. Maybe that's because Wilson has nailed down exactly the type of annoying self-righteous character that exists in every workplace across America, maybe it's because of his classy short-sleeved mustard-colored button-down shirts, or maybe just because the chicks love a man who loves authority.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
jam master jay - The only member of Run DMC who didn't have his name included in the band name.
geena davis - Famous early 90's actress must have figured she couldn't top her role in A League of Their Own.
billy ocean - The man who wanted you to get out of your car and into his dreams…in a non-violent way, I assume.
worst bike race ever
As if bike races are ever cool once you get past the age of 13 anyway.
mascot fights fan
Let's be honest, who hasn't at least dreamt of hitting a mascot in the face?
president obama's gifts
The oft-forgotten perk of being President: awesome gifts like miniature golden camels and palm trees.
ricky gervais back on the office
Of course, if you're from the States, you probably know Gervais as the hilarious jerk on the Golden Globes, and didn't realize he had anything to do with The Office.
alcohol bottles to get nutrition facts
Note: I assume this won't include a count of the number of calories drinking too much could cause you to give back later in the night.