Long Story: Well, yesterday was a slow news day for things not involving the sentencing of despicable evil-doers. While a man (if you can consider this guy worthy of that title) named Steven Hayes was found guilty of a home invasion in Connecticut that left three women brutally murdered, a Pakistani man named Faisal Shahzad was sentence to life in prison for the failed bombing of Times Square earlier this year. Shahzad, who had previously expressed his desire to plead guilty 100 times (reverse psychology, perhaps?) repeatedly interrupted the judge as he explained his ruling to express his views on Islam and why he proceeded with his attempted bombing. Needless to say, he was less than apologetic for his actions. Of course, it is assumed that Shahzad left Muslims everywhere embarrassed, as even the ones who support such acts of terror probably don't want to be associated with such a failed terrorist.
death penalty
Short A: If this ever happens, the world is about to end, so I am not going to overthink it.
Long A: Well, I suppose I would be more concerned with what I would I say to fill 10 minutes of airspace (assuming we are talking about TV here.) I have to imagine there would be a lot of awkward pauses. Would it just be 10 straight minutes without any commercial breaks? Oh well, I guess I could go a few different directions. I think my backup choice would be FoxNews. I think that would be a unique opportunity to speak to the old white folks in America, and just say really random stuff with no factual basis to support it. The best part is that I could just be a huge jerk, or completely crazy and cry a lot, and I wouldn't be the biggest jerk or the biggest nutjob at the network. Still, I would legitimately fear for my safety, given how many people that watch that channel probably own guns and how upset I could potentially make them with some of my commentary. Given that, I would avoid NBC after the Leno-Conan fiasco, so I would probably choose PBS. I can't say I ever watch PBS, but I get the feeling that people would think I was a lot smarter than I am if I was on PBS, and trust me, I could use all the help I could get.
european beard mustache championsHow is this any less important than the Ryder Cup?
right wing radio duckDonald Duck meets Glenn Beck. I'm not sure who we should take more seriously.
all the way around on swingKids, this is why you don't ever want to go all the way around on the swing…although, honestly, it actually looks pretty awesome!
christine o'donnell says shes not witch…which is exactly what a witch would tell us if she wanted to think she wasn't a witch!
homeless man kermit under pressureI'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that this guy is homeless. He does have some nice video equipment…and incredible talents.
today's FRESH knowledge stories are extraordinary! the homeless man double kermit is one of the best music videos I think I've ever seen. And the mustaches — inspiring!!
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