August 2, 2010 - A Clinton By Any Other Name

chelsea clinton wedding
It was a beautiful weekend for a wedding, and Chelsea Clinton and her long-time "beau," or boyfriend, in layman's terms, tied the knot in a small town in New York on the Hudson River. I'm sure everyone had a great time, because Hillary knew that it would be a great way to network and talk business with many friends/political power players, and Bill, well, Bill knew that weddings are a great place to meet chicks.
three escaped murderers in arizona
Normally, if it was in any other state, this probably would have been a much bigger deal, as three convicted murderers pulled a Shawshank Redemption and went all Harrison Ford after they escaped from a prison in Arizona yesterday. It turns out authorities were alarmed at first, but once they found out it had nothing to do with those sneaky illegal immigrants, they kinda just forgot about the whole thing. Which would explain why one of the murderers was Colorado.
uae blocks blackberrys
Next time you are heading to Dubai to visit the world's most insanely tall building, or hang out on their man-made islands, don't bother bringing your BlackBerry, because the United Arab Emirates is going to basically block all the good features from you. I'm not sure what exactly the angle is here, but I'm pretty sure they are probably betting heavily against Research In Motion stock, and not taking any chances.
bp too many dispersants?
This weekend's big oil controversy, as BP finally prepares to seal up the spill this week, revolves around the amount of oil dispersants used by the company in the aftermath of the spill. The EPA says that the dispersant use did not harm the Gulf, and I agree. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was more effective than the alternative of just hanging those "No Loitering" signs in front of the oil, or yelling really loudly at it to get out of there.
wikileaks attacked by robert gates
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates made his thoughts known on the recent leak by online organization WikiLeaks of tens of thousands of the U.S. Army's classified documents. He claims that while they may not be legally guilty of anything, they should feel really bad about what they did. When asked to explain further, Gates then stated that they should actually feel really, really, really bad, and gave them a stern look, then put them in timeout for 20 minutes.

man robs wendys then complains
How many times has this happened to you? You rob a fast-food joint, take the cash home, and discover it's much less than you were hoping for. It's gotta be the economy.

haynesworth can't get in shape
Who says professional sports stars are overpaid? If my man Albert Haynesworth wants to take his time getting in shape while he enjoys that $100 million contract, well, okay, maybe those people are right.
six-legged calf born
You'd think a six-legged calf born in a town called "Climax" (quotes not really necessary) would be super-fast…but it really has something more like 4 legs, and 2 useless arms.
pizza delivery gone wrong
What kind of punk orders pizza, has it delivered, then doesn't pay? That's the lowest of the low.
rare yellow lobster caught
Apparently, this yellow lobster is something like a 1 in 30 million rarity. No word on if it tastes any better than any other normal lobster.

I always wanted to know what it took a village to do? To satisfy Bill's sexual appetite? To make Chelsea presentable for marriage? To help one come to grips with being so close to being the first female President of the United States, but not quite as close as Sarah Palin?

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