July 26, 2010 - Instant Declassification!

wikileaks afghan war documents
Want to get your organization on the map? I mean, like, really on the map, like, on the frontpage of every major news site in the world? All you have to do is find about 92,000 classified documents from the United States military and release them to the public. Oh, there is only one major downside, and I don't think anyone can really estimate just how far down this downside goes, but you can't ever count on any favors from the United States government afterwards...so enjoy every one of those 15 minutes of fame.
andre dawson hall of fame
While the baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremonies will never have quite the same feel as in the days before we found out that every single player in the big leagues has, at one time or another, used, thought about, touched, talked about, dreamt about or seen someone using performance-enhancing drugs, every now and then, a player will be inducted that makes you think, "Yeah, that guy was good, but not so good for so long that he must have certainly been juicing." Sunday was one of those days, and Andre Dawson was one of those players.
contador wins tour de france
Speaking of sports that have felt the effect of widespread doping, cycling crowned a winner in its biggest annual event this weekend, as Alberto Contador effectively won his third Tour de France in four years. However, people seem much more concerned with whether or not they will still be able to wear their LIVESTRONG bracelets even if everyone finally agrees that Lance Armstrong was juicing while he won all those titles.
bp ceo to step down rumors
Well, here's a shocker….no, seriously, that may seem sarcastic, but this story shocked me. I mean, you just oversaw your company as it exploded an oil rig in the Gulf Coast and spilled enough oil into the ocean to make it arguably the biggest environmental catastrophe in modern times, without seeming to have the slightest clue as to how to fix it. Yet, you managed to keep your job through all that...and now you are talking about stepping down...after all that? That's like having a winning lottery ticket, losing it, having someone return it to you, then throwing it away...kinda...right?
german festival stampede
You may or may not have heard about the stampede at a German festival this weekend that left 19 people dead, but it seems event organizers are still searching for answers as well. It seems this type of event is always a risk when a "group of revellers" gather, but personally, I think the Germans were underprepared for how members of the crowd would react when they ran out of sausages, beer or sauerkraut and found themselves with no way out.

invisible swedish tree house
I always knew we shouldn't trust those crazy Swedes.
ill advised bank bonuses
I'm sorry, but how was anyone supposed to know that you shouldn't reward executives for losing money?

miss senior america
Attention cougar-hunters! These chicks are way too old for you…
french nuns on the run
I don't know, but I've always been taught if you let a nun free, and it comes back to you, it's yours, if not…
elephant attacks zookeeper
You and I see a zookeeper. The elephant just sees another helpless human to attack.

Want to get wiki wiki wild wild, but don't have the slightest idea how to get started? Well, this book should teach you everything you need to know...you big dummy!

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