July 9, 2010 - The Heat Is LeBr-On

lebron to join miami heat
Okay, pretend like you don't know, don't care, or whatever you feel like doing regarding the much-hyped "L" situation in Miami, but the fact that you care enough not to care means that you DO care, you just didn't realize it, and you have to admit that it's pretty insane that the two best players in the NBA will be playing on the same team next season. How it will work remains to be seen, but it should be interesting nonetheless...but not as interesting as this whole hoopla about the random lawyer that claims to be LeBron's daddy.
russian spy trade
How do you know the Cold War is over? Well, the Russian government and the U.S. government agreed to pardon spies caught in each other's country and pretend like it never happened…and promised not to do it again. During the Cold War, they would have just exchanged threats of a nuclear holocaust and kept sending various primates into space until their respective zoos were all emptied.
oakland subway shooting verdict
On New Year's Day, 2009 in Oakland, an unarmed black man was killed by a white police officer on a subway platform. No, it's not the opening to some type of police/legal drama…well, it probably is…but it's also a true story, and the police officer was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter yesterday, which could lead to riots in Oakland. Although, they've started riots in Oakland for much much less, and they should be tame in comparison to those in Cleveland...
defense of marriage act rejected
I don't know all the details of this Defense of Marriage Act law except that it is anti-gay marriage, and it is no longer in effect in Massachussets, after a judge turned it down yesterday. If you want a real defense of marriage, stop straight people from getting married...if you've watched any type of sitcom before, you know those things are typically a trainwreck.
mel gibson domestic abuse
There was a time, long, long ago, when Mel Gibson was primarily known for being a talented, good-looking, and even funny actor, and not much else. Well, the way things are going, he is not far off from the path Lindsay Lohan has taken, he just waited longer to do it...and I'm still not sure which is more disturbing.

blago hid from his staff
Good news for Illinois: Blago was only in office 9 hours a week ruining your state during his time as governor.

man drives lawnmower on highway
There's not a whole lot to do in Iowa, so when they get drunk, they resort to doing things like driving their lawnmowers down the local highways.
10th dui gets 24 years in jail
Some people never learn. I mean, we probably should have given this guy a little more jail time after maybe the 5th or 6th DUI?
inaccurate future movies
Call me crazy, but I'd much rather see an article about the most accurate movies about the future. It's certainly harder to predict the future than it is to NOT predict it, right?
hilarious politician faces
Politicians make the darndest faces…or maybe we all do, and they just happen to constantly have cameras trained on them?

No, this book isn't from the future, and it's not about D-Wade, Lebron, Chris Bosh and a couple of LeBron's friends (who will have to join them to fill out the roster) but I guess I could see how you might think that's what this was all about.

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