July 30, 2010 - Idle Idol Judges

ellen degeneres leaves idol
Oh, the horror! First, part-time crazy person Paula Abdul left the show last summer. Then long-time judge and the Brit synonymous with the Idol brand, Simon Cowell, stepped down following the last season. Now, it is reported that Ellen Degeneres will not be with the show next season either. (I know, I didn't know she was on the show either.) Fortunately, when contacted for comment, Randy Jackson insisted that the dog would remain, and promised to keep calling everyone "pitchy" as if it were a real word.
obama on the view
President Obama has faced a lot of intense situations during his 18 months in office. He overhauled our health care system, brought financial regulation, faced all kinds of charges from right-wing tea-loving nutjobs, but as a man, he has never faced a scarier situation than the one he walked into on Thursday when he sat down to be interviewed by several crazy women on The View. The big takeaway from the whole thing: rest assured, America, your President will not be nominating Snooki for any important political positions any time soon.
arizona immigration appeal
Amid protests, and protests of protests, and protests of…well, you get the point, Arizona filed an appeal of yesterday's ruling on their controversial immigration law. I guess they figure if they can just keep this thing going, they can at least arrest enough Spanish-speaking people to make them feel better.
rep rangel ethics charges
Rep Charlie Rangel of New York has been charged with 13 ethics violations after a 2-year investigation of his conduct in office. If you ask me, Rangel, who looks like some kind of crazy cross between Al Sharpton and Charlie Chaplin, actually did pretty well on his investigation. I have to imagine 13 ethics violations is relatively low for a Congressman.
canadian pipeline leak
Those crazy Canucks. Just when we are starting to get our own oil problem fixed down here, they go and dump a million gallons of oil into a creek in Michigan. In response to the spill, the Canadian company Enbridge, whose safety record is apparently less than stellar, said of the spill, "Eh, sorry aboot that."

basil marceaux campaign
I don't know if his name is Basil Marceaux or basilmarceaux.com, but I do know that he is insanely awesome.

matt leblanc dyed his hair
Don't freak out, but it turns out Joey from Friends started going gray years ago and dyed his hair dark while he was on the show! Ahhh, I know, I'm freaking out!
narcoleptic nfl rookie
This NFL rookie's fall during two flights of stairs may be related to narcolepsy, which is the same reason he gave for falling asleep during team meetings.
man on heroin crashes stroller
There are a lot of activities out there that heroin use does not mix with…although, parenting might be at the top of the list.
donkey wild ass ancestor
I don't know what I was expecting from this article, but I thought it would be a lot crazier.

Who needs the real Simon when you can sing your heart out and then have it ripped out by a virtual Simon?