May 5, 2010 - You're SUSPECT!

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What is EVERYONE talking about?!?
(The day's hottest topics, of course...)

1. car bombing suspect caught
Police apprehended a 30 year-old Pakistani man Monday night in connection with the failed car bombing attempt in Times Square over the weekend. His name is Faisal Shahzad, and he was caught as he tried to flee the country back to Pakistan. Shahzad, being a crazy terrorist, has admitted his role in the attack, and is apparently providing valuable information to investigators, but claims that he acted alone, which may come as a surprise given how poorly planned and executed this little attack was. Police were still searching for a motive until they all realized that most terrorists are unable to reason like rational human beings, and were probably just picked on in high school.

2. oil slick hits shore
The massive oil slick emanating from the sunken oil rig sponsored by BP has finally reached the coast, spreading the ecological effects from sea to land. So, beach-goers in the Gulf Coast were in for quite a surprise yesterday if they headed to the beach expecting a day of fun in the sun. Of course, if these people had computers and ever read a certain website, maybe they would have realized that this might not be the best time to head to a Gulf Coast beach.

3. greek contagion
Hold on, don't skip this topic just yet. Greek contagion is not a rapidly spreading disease effecting various farm animals, or an STD that European travelers are coming down with these days. It has to do with the recent Greek debt woes and the far-reaching effects it could have in other European nations such as Spain, Ireland and Portugal. Spain denies that it will be afflicted, but the effects on the Euro, and even the US markets yesterday was undeniable. Meanwhile, in Greece, citizens began a day-long general strike and also engaged in riots and protests across the country. Yeah, that sounds like the solution...crazy Greeks.

4. phillies fan tasered
A growing controversy coming out of Major League Baseball stems from an incident that took place on Monday night. A young man decided it would be hilarious if he ran onto the field during the game. Being young and naive, he expected to run around for a while, get cheered, and then be lead off by a friendly, beautiful female usher, winning over the hearts of the nation in the process. It didn't quite work out that way, as he ended up getting tased and dragged off the field. Now people are questioning if police went too far, as a simple bone-crushing tackle would have done the trick.

5. nashville underwater
The city of Nashville is still reeling from weekend rains that left parts of the city underwater. From the looks of things, it seems as thought the city could face a long road to recovery. At least Nashville citizens, an approximate 98% of whom are country singers, will no longer have to drown their sorrows just in alcohol. Too soon? Sorry.

6. continental ugly girl
Well, as you know Continental and United are planning a merger to form the world's most gigantic airline. However, what you may have missed is Continental Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek referring to United's other potential merger partner, US Airways, as an "ugly girl." Smisek had said that he didn't want United CEO Glenn Tilton to "marry the ugly girl. I wanted him to marry the pretty one." Of course, he was referring to US Airways as the ugly girl that United could potentially pair with, and referring to himself as the pretty girl? Well, anyways, yesterday, Smisek apologized to ugly girls everywhere, and said it's really way too mean to compare anyone to US Airways.

7. fda tylenol recall accusation
After drug maker McNeil, a subsidiary of Johnson and Johnson, recalled several children's drug products this weekend, the FDA is now claiming that they knew of the contamination of these products before they were shipped out. Those are some pretty tough accusations, especially if you consider most of the products recalled were designed for infants and children. So, I don't want to jump to any conclusions or commit any type of libel here, but, it sure sounds like the FDA is saying McNeil was trying to contaminate your kids for profit.

8. uva lacrosse murder
In the magical fantasyland that is college, the developing saga playing out in Charlottesville, VA serves as another sad reminder that every now and then, reality can come crashing in hard on college campuses. George Huguley, accused in the murder of fellow lacrosse player at UVA, Yeardley Love, apparently had a violent confrontation with police in Lexington, VA in 2008, when he was tasered and arrested for being drunk in public, and resisting arrest. He even allegedly threatened to kill the arresting officer. As opposed to the Phillies fan above, in this case, the question was not if the taser was too much, but if maybe Huguley should have been subject to a much stronger taser.

9. iran un sanctions
Iran continues its push to do anything it can involving the word nuclear, and has threatened that its relations with the US may deteriorate if they keep pushing even more sanctions on Iran. Which, is a lot like that time in Wayne's World when Stacey tells Wayne that if he doesn't treat her right, he's going to lose her. To which, Wayne responds, "A gun rack? What am I going to do with a gun rack? I don't even a gun, let alone many guns to necessitate a gun rack!" or something like that.

10. picasso painting auction
A Picasso painting sold at auction for $106 million, setting a new record for the most expensive artwork sold at auction. The winning bid was made by an unnamed telephone bidder, which sounds a little sketchy since the next highest bid was for $2 million. "Wait, hold on, we've got a guy on the phone who is offering $106 million!"

Drop that FRESH knowledge!
(These topics are getting hot...)

1. stranded bear rescued
A 200-pound bear was rescued from a tree in a California neighborhood, where it was found sleeping with several tranquilizer darts in its side. When it woke up, the bear then tried to eat its rescuers.
2. slapping grandma arrested
A grandma was arrested for slapping her granddaughter in public, after she claimed the girl had been cursing at her. I can't even imagine what grandma will do to the girl for getting her sent to jail.
3. kobe bryant white hot
Kobe Bryant, fashionably hilarious.

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