May 18, 2010 - Miss (Muslim Stripper) USA!

Today's BIG news!
1. miss usa controversy
I think the Tea Party is hoping for better results in Tuesday's primaries than they saw in Sunday night's Miss USA pageant. Not only did new Miss USA Rima Fakih nearly stumble, she apparently has been in a strip club before (not working, mind you, but inside, nonetheless) and worst of all...depending on if you believe in blatant lies, she shares the same religious background as Barack Obama!
2. supreme court congress authority
The Supreme Court made a ruling yesterday that gives Congress the broad authority to pass laws that are "rationally related" to their constitutional aims. The effects should be as wide-ranging and controversial as the ruling is vague.
3. tuesday primaries
Numerous incumbents face a big, scary day of primary races throughout the country today, as an anti-incumbent mood is sweeping the nation. It appears most of the country is tired of complaining about how the current group of politicians they voted for are ruining their lives. Time for some fresh meat.
4. iran turkey nuclear deal
Iran and Turkey have agreed to a deal where they will swap nuclear fuel. President Ahmadinajed is going to be really disappointed when he finally realizes that nuclear fuel has nothing to do with making cars or motorized scooters go any faster.
5. cell phone cancer inconclusive
Ever wonder if using that cell phone every day is going to get you brain cancer (or finger cancer, for all you texters)? Well, scientists have been wondering the same thing. Well, turns out they know as little as you, I guess just keep using it and hope for the best. As if you were really going to stop anyways.

Now drop that FRESH knowledge!
1. awake during surgery
It turns out that doctors don't really even know how general anesthesia works. They just put that cool mask on you, and it makes you all sleepy...most of the time.
2. facebook for conservatives
Conservatives are looking for their version of that liberal Facebook site that all the kids are talking about. I guess the Yellow Pages doesn't meet their needs any more.
3. smiling animals
This is really just a bunch of pictures of animals smiling. They probably don't realize that they are just a bunch of crazy beasts.
4. politician lies about vietnam
I'm sure this is a simple mistake. I think what this guy really means when he talks about his time in 'Nam is that he was a member of the National Association of Manufacturers during the 70's for a short time. Either that, or he is just lying to get elected.
5. glenn beck nazi tourettes
Lewis Black believes Glenn Beck may have something called "Nazi Tourette's." While this is certainly made up, it probably wouldn't be the worst thing that the often-incoherent Beck suffers from.

No comments:

Post a Comment

COMMENT (or else)