May 10, 2010 - The Perfect Man (For One Day, At Least...)

Today's BIG news!

dallas braden perfect game
Just a week removed from confronting baseball superstar Alex Rodriguez for walking on his mound, young Oakland pitcher Dallas Braden fired a perfect game against baseball's best team, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The perfect game is just the 19th recorded in the history of baseball, so if the young pitcher hadn't made a name for himself yet, you would think this would do it. However, when reporters asked A-Rod what he thought of Dallas Braden now, Rodriguez replied that he had never heard of Braden and he was pretty sure Dallas was in Texas or Oklahoma.

Today's other news includes a new Supreme Court nomination, which is sure to be quickly approved; They still haven't fixed that oil spill, and now they are just dumping garbage on it; The European Union is hoping a huge package will save them from self-destruction; Betty White rescued Saturday Night Live from another weekend of skits featuring Kenan Thompson, for one weekend at least; Yesterday, people around the world celebrated the women primarily responsible for their existence; Also, Russia celebrated a victory of some sort...might have something to do with the Communism in America these days.

Now drop that FRESH knowledge on 'em!

1. worst local commercials ever
They must have messed up the title, because this seems like a list of the BEST local commercials ever.

2. lebanon hummus war
What are they fighting about over in the Middle East these days? A Mediterranean dish featuring chickpeas.

3. naked hot tub stranger
Actual line from this article: "Police say Brian J. Haney 'secreted' himself in the tub -- which sounds a lot worse than it is.".

4. graduation sames shoes every day
Some kid in Florida pledged to wear the same shoes all 4 years of high school until he graduated...and people say the education system in America doesn't work!

5. rhinoceros escapes zoo
There is a 4000 pound rhino on the loose in Florida. There's also a sexually deviant Tiger roaming the streets down there.

6. kimbo slice fired
Kimbo Slice got fired from the UFC. I have to imagine the guy who fires UFC fighters has the worst job in the world.

7. sarah palin facebook fans upset
Sarah Palin's Facebook fans are upset for some reason...they must have just realized how bad that Katie Couric interview really was.

8. white flight to cities
White people are fleeing to the cities! It's much easier to find a Starbucks or a Gap there these days.

9. low-paying college degrees
If you have majored in one of the areas in this article, I apologize. You might be able to pay off those student loans before you retire, if you find a second job.

10. prescription tattoos
Apparently, prescription tattoos are the hot new thing. I hope that isn't nearly as stupid as that sounds.

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