April 26, 2010 - Welcome To Arizona! Now, Get Out...

at 8:45 AM

What is EVERYONE talking about?!?
(The day's hottest topics, of course...)


Mid-Day Update: Oil is spilling all over the Gulf of Mexico! The Yankees are at the White House today, angering Confederate Party members everywhere. A man was arrested for being at the same airport as Barack Obama this weekend...carrying a loaded handgun. Baseball star Ryan Howard is about to get PAID by the Phillies. Big Ben Roethlisberger says with a wink that he will change his ways. Finally, George W. Bush's memoirs officially hit stores November 9...in your choice of crayon or marker!

As you may have heard, Arizona has just signed into law what is probably the toughest immigration law in the country. This has sparked some major emotional backlash from just about everyone in Arizona, and has now extended across the country to Washington, where Dems are using this as a rallying cry for major immigration reform, and the Repubs are using this as a major rallying cry to impeach Barack Obama. Meanwhile, Arizona governor Jan Brewer announced that the state will no longer allow Taco Bell because they weren't sure if their old slogan, "Make a Run for the Border" encouraged people to illegally cross into the country.
Natural disasters continued to wreak havoc across the world this weekend, as a good old-fashioned twister took its turn in the rotation (PUN) down in Mississippi. The storm was the worst disaster to hit the state since Hurricane Katrina in 2005, as at least 10 people were killed, and pictures of the damage seem to indicate that every home in the state was destroyed. Now, normally, I would make a joke at the state of Mississippi's expense right here, but in this case, that doesn't seem very tasteful.
Speaking of people having a bad weekend, Rock of Love fans worldwide continue their vigil in support of fallen former Poison frontman Bret Michaels, who was recovering from a recent emergency appendectomy as well as an extended stay with Rod Blagojevich, when he was rushed to the hospital on Thursday with what turned out to be a brain hemorrhage. Michaels is still in critical condition after surgery as doctors try to determine the source of the bleeding in his brain. Just goes to show you that maybe that 80's rockstar lifestyle wasn't as healthy as we all thought it was.
President Obama delivered the eulogy this weekend at a memorial service for the 29 miners killed in an April 5 accident at the Upper Big Branch coal mine in West Virginia. Obama also used the platform to call for better working conditions in mines. Mining company CEO's said that they already give their workers hard helmets with little lights on them, and wondered what more they could possibly do.
Surprisingly enough, Democrats and Republicans have yet to reach a deal on financial reform. Republicans still claim they want further restrictions added to the bill to deal with respect to derivatives, future potential bailouts, and more. They also want to rename the bill the Republican Financial Overhaul for Liberty...and add a provision that repeals health care and permanently ends the Democratic Party. Other than that, we are pretty close to a deal.


Fabrice Tourre, the Goldman Sachs trader who has been accused of fraud by the SEC met with senate investigators this weekend as his company prepares for a big hearing Tuesday. It is believed that the Senate was wondering how Tourre got such a cool name, and if there were any openings at Goldman. The Senators had heard the bonuses were much better over there.

Big weekend for opening round playoff action in the NBA and the NHL. Dwyane Wade had a huge game for the Miami Heat to stave off elimination for at least one more game. Marian Hossa of the Chicago Blackhawks, meanwhile, overcame a penalty on a potentially dangerous play late in regulation to return in overtime and score the game-winning goal. It appears he will not be suspended by the league, but I am sure his mom will yell at him.

Ahhhh, kids these days. Or maybe we should just say, "ahhhh, kids." A special on 60 Minutes "exposed" the fact that college kids across the country use "mental steroids," Adderall and Ritalin to help them fare better in school, particularly come exam time. Get this, it appears none of them are all too worried about the long-term consequences. Next week, a story on how some of them drink beer on the weekends.

An internal memo circulated among government departments in the United Kingdom this weekend suggested that an ideal itinerary for the pope's upcoming visit to the nation include festivities such as an abortion clinic opening, a gay marriage blessing, and the introduction of "Benedict" brand condoms. The pope laughed at the memo publicly before privately crying, then asking God to overrun the country with frogs.
While this might not seem like a big story yet...as the big Kentucky Derby thoroughbred race rolls up this weekend, I am sure we will hear more about it, as it should completely alter the dynamics of the country's premier annual horse race. Eskendereya was the prohibitive favorite heading into this weekend, before the horse essentially suffered the horse version of a sprained ankle. The horse then spent the entire weekend trying to convince his owners and trainers that really, it didn't feel that bad.

Drop that FRESH knowledge!
(These topics are getting hot...)
You know people always say the Middle East is such a different culture than we have here in America, but the Saudis proved we have only at least one thing in common: divorce.

Who says the people of New York are uncaring? Oh, I guess a lot of people. But, can you really prove it? Oh, yeah, apparently you can...

3. scott sicko undrafted
Former New Hampshire tight end Scott Sicko was so upset that he wasn't drafted in last week's NFL Draft that he says he will not even try to play in the NFL. He says all the people that didn't draft him are just a bunch of dumb mean jerkheads.
  

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