April 17-18, 2010 - All That Glitters Is Not Gold, Man


What is EVERYONE talking about?!?
(The day's hottest topics, of course...)

So, as it turns out, all those financial institutions that bet heavily on the subprime crisis and nearly caused the collapse of capitalism as we know it may not have been as clean and on the "up and up" as we all thought. I mean, I think we were all certainly were willing to give them the benefit of the doubt (and billions in bailout dollars), but now the SEC will be investigating certain investments of financial giant Goldman Sachs' amid claims that they were not completely honest. For many Americans, this comes as a shocking revelation. I mean, what are you going to tell me next? That Tiger Woods cheated on his wife?
Volcanic ash continues to wreak havoc on Europe, but more specifically on the airspace used by commercial airlines and birds. Now, in addition to being stuck in airports for the last three days, experts now say there is added concern that the volcanic ash that is falling from the sky may pose a health risk to Europeans. Fortunately, since everyone in Europe already smokes, I can't imagine lung health is a super high priority over there anyways.
In Eastern Europe, the Polish are feeling the effects of the Icelandic volcano as well, as they have delayed the funeral of President Lech Kaczynski, who died in a plane crash earlier this week. Instead, they honored the fallen President with a moment of silence this morning. I'm sure they also vowed revenge upon that volcano for disrupting their schedules.
As upsets continue to rule the day in the NHL playoffs, King Lebron James begins his quest to win an NBA title for the former city of Cleveland before he moves on to somewhere much nicer in the offseason. Wait, I'm getting word that early census reports are showing that Cleveland is still officially a city. The rest of this post is 100% accurate however.
Another day, another Toyota recall. Not only does it make me wonder if it will ever end, but I also have to wonder where Toyota keeps all these cars that they are recalling? They must have a really big parking lot at their headquarters.
As the SEC wages war upon poor Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama is set to take on an even bigger task: reforming the "regulation" of the entire American financial system. He is expected to face significant backlash from the Tea Party, those who made millions by destroying the economy, and everyone else in the country who is opposed to change of any kind. So, really, it doesn't sound like it will be as bad as that whole health care thing.
Well, here's an uplifting story for you. This guy, Kaushik Patel, as you can probably guess from his mugshots, killed his two sons in 2007 by dousing them in gasoline and lighting them on fire. Now he has agreed to plead guilty in order to avoid the death penalty. The biggest story to me seems to be that anyone ever considered Mr. Patel mentally competent enough to have kids, and now to be able to stand trial.
While this has been a crazy year on American Idol, with new judge Ellen Degeneres trying to find her way, old judge Simon Cowell trying to find a way out, and host Ryan Seacrest finding his way to Paula Abdul's medicine cabinet, it could have been even crazier. Word on the street is that the season's clear frontrunner, Crystal Bowersox, nearly left the show due to homesickness a couple weeks back, but was convinced by none other than Mr. Seacrest to stay. Apparently, he convinced her to stay so one day she could make enough money to buy his mom another house...or maybe he meant to buy her mom a house. I don't know...you'll have to read it yourself.

There is a huge music festival going on somewhere in the desert in California this week. While I'm usually not a huge fan of music festivals, it is almost refreshing to see a bunch of hippies hanging out in the desert listening to music after seeing so many stories about all these old people gathering together to complain for all these Tea Party rallies. So, have a good time, you crazy hippies!

I'm sure you've seen the commercials lately for the new Chris Rock-led movie, Death at a Funeral, meaning you've probably seen Danny Glover in his latest role. What you've probably noticed is that Danny Glover is now really really old. So old, in fact, that I believe he plays Tracy Morgan's grandfather in the movie. So, it came as a shock to me that Glover was arrested in France protesting against suitmaker Hugo Boss. I'm thinking it's time the chief sends Mel Gibson to talk to Glover and calm him down. He's getting too old for this stuff...

Drop that FRESH knowledge!
(These topics are getting hot...)

1. baseball game vomit
There's nothing like being young, drunk, fat and really really stupid, or so Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J would have you believe.

2. pizza for month
Some guy has decided to eat pizza for every meal of every day for an entire month. It sounds like he is either trying to take 20 years off his lifespan or simulating what it is like to be a college student.

3. old college baseball player
This 58 year-old fellow has returned to college to try his hand at baseball. Word is he has a pretty decent knuckleball, but his veteran savvy is obviously off the charts.

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