April 16, 2010 - TEA: Taxes Enrage & Anger!



What is EVERYONE talking about?!?
(The day's hottest topics, of course...)





NEWS IN NEED OF REPAIR (aka BREAKING NEWS!):
 As first reported somewhere else, financial giant Goldman Sachs has been accused of civil fraud by the SEC for failing to disclose all relevant information to investors about its subprime debt. Needless to say, their stock has taken a moderate hit.

Tea parties are no longer just for the British or little girls. While most of the country happily paid, or at least filed, their federal income taxes yesterday, the angry group of conservative mostly white Americans known as the Tea Party gathered across the country to express their anger at the current government. It may seem coincidental that this group's anger really only boiled to the surface when the nation's first African-American President was elected, despite the fact that no taxes have been raised since, but that's all it is, pure coincidence, right?
Speaking of the current leader of the free world, don't let this headline, or tea party propaganda fool you: Barack Obama's healthcare plan does not call for gay-only hospitals. What Mr. Obama is calling for is extending visitation rights at hospitals to include gay couples. Critics argue that the Bible does not make any mention of gay people being allowed to visit each other in the hospital.
To get more serious for a minute, one of the biggest stories out there this morning is that Kate Hudson, star of such classics as Bride Wars and You, Me & Dupree has taken a cue from Heidi Montag and gone under the knife for breast augmentation. Now she will probably finally be able to get over that last guy she dated and land a date with Tiger Woods.
If you live in the Midwestern United States, then you may have seen the sure sign of the apocalypse this Wednesday evening: a gigantic fireball lighting up the night-time sky. While no official cause has been determined, scientists believe it involved some type of meteor shower, which I'm sure is disappointing for all those cult members who believed it was a spaceship coming to take them to space.
Who would have thought tiny little Iceland could have caused this much trouble for the rest of the world? Apparently, while the recent volcanic eruption has created some wonderful photo opportunities, the resulting ash is causing numerous airports in Europe to cancel up to 17,000 flights on Friday. So, for all those with flights to Estonia today, don't even bother, that airspace is totally closed.
First the defending champion Penguins lost their first game in this year's NHL Playoffs. Then, last night, the #1-seeded Washington Capitals and their superstar Alexander Ovechkin lost their first game in the playoffs. Now to some this may be big news, but while hockey is slowly regaining popularity in the US, it clearly lacks the sexual assault, dog-fighting, untimely death, steroid use, and jailed superstars that it needs to really become a truly big-time sport.
Just when Neil Armstrong thought no one cared about him any more, and Buzz Aldrin was sitting at home crying over being kicked off Dancing With The Stars, Barack Obama came out yesterday and said he wants the two of them to team up one more time, and head into space to figure out what that giant fireball was in the Midwest...well, I guess that's not exactly how it went, but just as people were decrying him for underfunding NASA, President Obama did announce his grand plans for the group yesterday, and it does include taking astronauts, or Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, to asteroids.
This week's hot new movie is your classic superhero movie...except for it's about ordinary kids who decide they want to be in comic books, not read them. So, I guess it's really not your classic superhero movie at all. Anyways, the breakout star of the film that everyone is talking about is a young girl named Chloe Moretz, who was born in 1997...which, if you are like me, makes you feel really really really old.

For all you fans of the underdog out there, a big victory was won yesterday, as a small upstart company defied the odds and climbed to the top of the Fortune 500 rankings. No, wait, it turns out Walmart is at the top of the Fortune 500 rankings once again. So, I guess for all you people who happen to be Goliath fans, this should be a good day. Otherwise, better luck next year.

Almost two weeks after being overrun and physically forced out of office, the former president of Kyrgyzstan has decided to resign and fled to Kazakhstan to seek advice from good friend Borat. Apparently, he was getting tired of sitting outside his old house and asking if he could come back in and be the president again. 


Drop that FRESH knowledge!
(These topics are getting hot...)

1. 50 cent tattoos
50 Cent is laser removing some of his tattoos, believing this is the only thing keeping him from landing some Oscar-winning roles. He must have watched Mo'Nique in Precious a few too many times.


2. jack herer
"The Hemperor", as he was known to some, has died. A hero to pot-smokers everywhere, and unknown to everyone else, Herer's officially cause of death was listed as "marijuana-related." Just joking, but how crazy would that have been?


3. lightning survival
Want to know what it's like to get struck by lightning and live to tell about it. Well, forgo standing in a thunderstorm with a golf club in the air, and read this article.
   

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