July 20, 2011 - YouTube's Finest

(Inspired by a website that shall remain nameless, I have decided to start a new series of discussions about some of the finest videos that YouTube has to offer.)

The inaugural entry comes from none other than the fictional YouTube Sports' commentator extraordinaire, Kige Ramsey. This video exemplifies all that I love about YouTube, and all that worries me about America's youth at the same time. Where else can you get dating tips from an unusual, overweight country boy whose idea of fashion is to wear a Tennessee Titans visor to match his XXL Tennessee Titans t-shirt? If you know of a place that exists in the real world, I don't think I want to visit such a place. I prefer to view it from the safety of my own computer.

Although it is hard to pick a favorite Kige Ramsey video, this one is certainly worthy of some recognition. Let's review Kige's tips of what NOT to do on a date. That's right. Don't NOT do these things? I think...

1. No goofy faces - I suppose if you are just one of those people that was born with a goofy face, you are out of luck.

2. [Do NOT] Ask the girl "Will you pay for this?" - You should probably ask her that before you even decide on going on a date. Establish the rules in advance...not during the date, right? By the way, this establishes that these tips are for guys...or for girl-girl dates, I suppose.

3. [Do NOT] Ask her to pick you up for y'all's date. - Her car is probably not as nice as yours and women are notoriously bad drivers.

4. Do not fall asleep during the date. - If you happen to be narcoleptic, I guess you are also just out of luck. Although, if you are a narcoleptic with a goofy face, maybe those two things cancel each other out?

5. Do not use the internet. - You're probably going to want to head over to YouTube and show your date some of Kige's videos. Don't do it. You will pale in comparison when compared to Kige.

6. After you get home, do not complain about the date. - It doesn't matter who you talk to, or how bad the date was, or even if your date stabbed you or turned out to be a man. Just tell everyone how great the date was and how much fun you had.

Really, it's that simple, and even if it's not, Kige thinks it is, and that's all that really matters.

WARNING: Follow these rules at your own peril.