January 8-9, 2011 - fresh weekend NFL PLAYOFF knowledge

Looking to make bets on the upcoming NFL Playoffs??? Well, there's only one way to do it. That's right, you consult Konway East and his tried and true (and completely unproven) system for picking a Super Bowl winner. We rank the teams and their odds of winning the NFL's biggest game purely by the strength of their mascot. Of course, given how horrible the Seahawks are and how religious the Saints are (thus anti-gambling) they did not even make the cut for our top 10. Here are the 10 that did make the cut...and remember, we don't recommend or condone gambling...not until you are done reading this.
eagles (4-1)
Eagles are the All-American animal, which I guess makes it fitting that they are represented by a guy like Mike Vick, who is American and has, well, I guess, always been a, uhhh, fan of animals? Anyway, I wouldn't want to fight an eagle, because it's really a no-win situation. I'm pretty sure you'll get in really big trouble with the law if you so much as look at an eagle the wrong way.
bears (6-1)
Have you ever heard a story about a human becoming really good friends with a bear? No, that's right, you haven't. While people may love teddy bears and cartoon bears like Yogi, those characters are as fictitious as they come, and most human-bear meetings end in deadly maulings...of the human. If you ever see a real bear, head the other way.
chiefs (8-1)
Sure, some people might consider a Chief mascot somewhat offensive or politically incorrect in this day and age, but these days Chiefs are too busy raking in the cash on their Reservation casinos to be concerned with such issues. Besides, the only thing that has been offensive about Kansas City's football team before this year has been it's play on the field.
falcons (8-1)
If I'm not mistaken, Falcons are the fastest living animal, which is cool, but they don't fly that fast just so they can come up and give you a kiss on a cheek. Falcons are birds of prey, and they don't take too kindly to players who leave their team and head to jail on dogfighting charges.
jets (10-1)
Jets is a pretty boring, non-descript nickname. Personally, I'd prefer that their mascot was the New York Planes, but I suppose jets could mean something like those cool fighter jets that fly over stadiums before games...on their way to bombing something.
ravens (12-1)
These Edward Allen Poe-inspired blackbirds will either be really inspired or emotionally drained after news of the massive blackbird die-off in Arkansas this past New Year's Eve weekend.
steelers (15-1)
Wow, steel is so last century. Still, a Steeler sounds like some rough blue collar dude working his ass off to get a nickel a week from Andrew Carnegie, circa 1904. Not exactly the type of dude you want to get into an argument with.
colts (20-1)
I know, it's just a baby horse, but you never know what a horse is thinking, and I still can't get over the fact that they have such similar teeth to humans.
packers (40-1)
There's so many ways to go with this one, but given how hard it is packing up your house for a move, I guess I've gotta give a little credit to anyone who might be in that line of business.
patriots (50-1)
I can't stop imagining the movie The Patriot, starring now-insane Mel Gibson and now-deceased Heath Ledger. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Bet at your own risk.

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