January 7, 2011 - Fraud-tism Study

autism vaccine study discredited
Really Short Story: There's still a possibility that vaccines cause autism, like there's a possibility that Jenny McCarthy is smarter than science.
Short Story: I know a lot of you out there would probably rather risk your child contracting polio and ending up in an iron lung than run a non-existent risk of the child becoming autistic by taking the polio vaccine. Well, fortunately for you, it turns out that there is now no legitimate scientific evidence linking autism to childhood vaccinations, after the lone study linking the two was labeled as an "elaborate fraud" by a leading medical jounral. Of course, if you're not the type of person who believes in things like facts and evidence and science, I am pretty sure that this will do little to change Jenny McCarthy's mind, so you always have that to go on.
dustin diamond
January 7, 2011: dustin diamond Day! - His career came to a Screech'ing halt when Saved By The Bell ended.
WHY?: Where do you start with Dustin Neil Diamond (real name, no gimmicks!)? Just kidding! Obviously, you start with the fact that he was the infamous Screech Powers on the legendary morning television show Saved By The Bell. Of course, for him and the rest of the world, it would probably be nice if his story ended with that show, and he faded off into oblivion with Lisa Turtle and Mr. Belding. Unfortunately, there is really not a super-high ceiling for a child actor known for playing one of the dorkiest characters in the history of television. Since the show ended, Diamond has bounced around on various reality shows, generally sullying any good name that he once had, even releasing probably the least watched sex tape of all time. So, for all you child stars complaining about having a rough go of it, just remember, things could always be worse. You could have played Screech.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
george foreman - I grew up thinking he was just a grill salesman and muffle pitch man, not one of the greatest boxers to ever live.
rod stewart - First ballot inductee in the Hair Hall of Fame, and probably the coolest dude named Rod ever.
pat benatar - Her hit single "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" thankfully was not about domestic abuse.
bill o'reilly can't explain the tides
"Tides go in. Tides go out." Your very early front-runner for the 2011 Quote of the Year!
young people in nursing homes
It's not all fun and games as you might have imagined.
notorious big investigation heats up
Why not? It only happened 14 years ago? Did one of the detectives just hear a Biggie Smalls album for the first time or something?
sexual stereotypes
No one likes being stereotyped, unless it's in a positive way, but even then, that just puts more pressure to perform.
great dane prevents sexual assault
I guess they don't call them GREAT Danes for nothing, right?

1 comment:

  1. Great short story! I so despise Jenny McCarthy!


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