November 25, 2010 - Giving Thanks...That We're Not Turkeys

thanksgiving
Really Short Story: Time to eat some turkey!
Short Story: It's Thanksgiving! What are you doing over here on the computer? It's time to celebrate when those religious zealots, the Pilgrims, made the long voyage across the Atlantic, and pretended to like the Native Americans who were living here in order to get some free food and maybe a couple shots at the peace pipe. So, go find your family, cook up a gigantic turkey, and sit around and pretend like you all get along and really like each other. Then, after dinner, once you have done your part to contribute to America's ongoing obesity epidemic, go sit down, watch some TV, and be thankful that you don't have to work on Thursday, and you don't have to have a big old family get-together for a whole month or so. joe dimaggio
November 25, 2010: joe dimaggio Day! - Where have you gone, Joltin' Joe...oh, he died? Really? I see.
WHY?: With apologies to the Bush twin daughters, it would seem inappropriate to give thanks for them over the American hero Joe DiMaggio on a day like Thanksgiving. If you're a baseball fan, you remember Joey D for his legendary 56-game hit streak in 1941…or perhaps his 3 MVP's or a dominating career interrupted by military service. If you're not a baseball fan, you've surely still wondered "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?" and you know about his infamous short-lived marriage to Marilyn Monroe. I mean, those guys basically invented the modern 3-years or less celebrity marriage. Unfortunately, what most people probably don't know is that DiMaggio was a heavy smoker, and that ultimately lead to his death in 1999, and unlike Ted Williams, no parts of his body are cryogenically frozen, so the answer to where Joe DiMaggio has gone is not entirely known, but he won't be coming back any time soon.

TOMORROW'S contenders:
tina turner - What's love got to do with it? Well, it didn't seem to have a lot to do with Tina's marriage to Ike Turner…
shawn kemp - Former NBA basketball player, and league leader in child support payments.
charles schulz - The guy who invented Charlie Brown and decided that he should be a bald little kid.

11/26/10 POTD POLL!

sarah palin on obesity
Some people think Sarah Palin is an idiot…but let's face it, a majority of Americans like to eat whatever they want, so she's just catering to the majority…genius.
cat riding turtle
It is what it is…a cat riding a turtle across a living room.
fake breast exams arrest
Surprise! It was a woman who was arrested for giving free breast exams. Hint to the ladies who accepted: no one gives out real breast exams at a bar….I think.
nfl parity circular logic
It's a :we beat the team that beat the team that beat the team that beat the Super Bowl champs" kinda thing. NFL parity lives!
billy joel hip replacement
If you know of Billy Joel, or remember when his music was popular, this should make you feel pretty old…the dude just got both hips replaced.