wc,t's offical WORLD CUP 2010 PREVIEW

Now, admittedly, I know very little about soccer (or football/futbol as it is known in other countries) aside from the fact that you can't use your hands. However, seeing as it is such a big deal around the world, I see it as our duty to provide you with a preview of this year's World Cup soccer tournament in South Africa. Use the following rankings, current betting odds, and insightful commentary to get yourself informed before the whole thing goes down next week!

1. Brazil (4.5:1) - The more players you have with one name, the better your odds of winning, meaning Brazil should run away with this thing.
2. England (6.5:1) - England pretty much invented the game...or maybe that was fish and chips I am thinking of.
3. Netherlands (10:1) - As long as they don't wear those wooden shoes, the Dutch should make a good run.
4. Argentina (6.5:1) - If Manu Ginobili is on our side, who could possibly be on theirs?
5. Spain (4:1) - The early favorites are probably more concerned with that Greek contagion thing.
6. Italy (14:1) - The defending champs are fueled by ah-pizza-pie and ah-meatballs!
7. Germany (14:1) - Team most likely to play the entire tournament drunk...since Ireland is not in the field.
8. France (20:1) - The French lost the last World Cup thanks to a not-so-timely headbutt.
9. Portugal (28:1) - Spain's little brother isn't even the best Portugese-speaking nation in the tourney.
10. Mexico (66:1) - Mexican dudes love soccer...at least the ones at my local park do.
11. Paraguay (100:1) - Need to overcome "Para-Gay" jokes from obnoxious teenage fans.
12. Chile (66:1) - Chile needs to get hot to make a run. I'm talking like 5-alarm Chile.
13. Serbia (66:1) - Better known for producing sharp-shooting NBA stars for a reason.
14. Ivory Coast (33:1) - Cool country name can't overcome injured captain.
15. Uruguay (80:1) - Need to overcome "Ura-Gay" jokes from obnoxious teenage fans.
16. Cameroon (100:1) - Growing Pains' star Kirk Cameron's favorite squad.
17. Ghana (80:1) - Not Ghana do it. Not with their best player on the sidelines.
18. Denmark (150:1) - Still trying to overcome the bad karma from that Muhammad cartoon drawing.
19. Nigeria (150:1) - Goodluck Jonathan is on their side...so don't count them out.
20. South Africa (150:1) - Their poor road record should have no effect on them this year.
21. Australia (175:1) - The fields in Australia are all backwards, which should make for a tough adjustment.
22. Greece (150:1) - I'd invest in Greek debt before I put money on this team.
23. Switzerland (200:1) - Not nearly as versatile as the knives their army invented.
24. South Korea (200:1) - They've got so much Seoul, and so little soccer talent.
25. Slovakia (300:1) - You say Slovakia...
26. Slovenia (300:1) - ...I say Slovenia. I don't know the difference.
27. Japan (350:1) - If their prime minister situation is any indication, Japan will probably quit midway through the first game.
28. Algeria (500:1) - Algeria? Isn't that some type of Muslim news publication?
29. Honduras (1000:1) - What can you say about Honduras? No, really, I don't know what to say.
30. New Zealand (2000:1) - Sheep and kiwis. That's what New Zealand does. Not soccer.
31. North Korea (1500:1) - Kim Jong-il once beat the entire North Korea soccer team by himself. Literally.
32. USA (80:1) - I didn't even know we had a team here in the US!