May 13, 2010 - Oh, Canada, Eh?

Today's BIG news!
1. canadiens upset penguins
The Montreal Canadiens have followed up their upset of the #1 seed in the NHL playoffs by knocking off the defending Stanley Cup champions. What do you expect, the Canadiens invented the game, right? Or was that the Canadians? And what exactly is the difference, anyways?
2. los angeles boycott arizona
The city of Los Angeles is so upset with Arizona's new immigration law that is boycotting any future business with the state. Of course, this was only after Arizona made it illegal to engage in any business with any place with a name of Spanish origin.
3. libya plane crash
A plane crashed in Libya leaving 103 people dead yesterday. Only one person survived the crash, a 10 year-old Dutch boy. This young "miracle" survivor has aspirations of selling paint when he grows up.
4. chinese school attacks
Despite heightened security, Chinese schools endured their 5th attack since March. This one, on a kindergarten class, left 9 people dead, 7 children among that maybe Communism really isn't the answer.
5. gold record high
Gold prices hit an all-time high yesterday at over $1240/ounce, which is great news for all those out there hoarding gold and wearing insane amounts of gold jewelry.

Now drop that FRESH knowledge!
1. skinny jeans rape acquittal
Listen, NO means NO, we all know that...unless you live in Australia, where, apparently no does not mean no if you are wearing those fashionable skinny jeans that everyone seems to have.
2. people drinking lotion
Yo, people, stop drinking your lotion. That's why your skin is so dry, and you feel so nauseous.
3. man kills to protect lawn
This guy clearly saw that Gran Torino movie, and took it way way way too seriously. Actually quite sad.
4. woman jailed for t-shirt
This lady got put in jail for contempt of court based on the t-shirt she wore to court. I'll let you read the story to figure out what the shirt said, but I think she probably deserved it. Enjoy!
5.demonic pears
Ever just wanted to dig in to a big fresh can of pears, and next thing you know, there is a smiling demonic pear looking back at you? Oh well, that kind of thing happens in New Zealand every day...of course, they also have more sheep than people over there.

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