April 14, 2010 - Nuke-loose!

What is EVERYONE talking about?!?

(The day's hottest topics, of course...)

INSTRUCTIONS: Click the headlines for the main story. The links within the comments are purely for your entertainment.

1. nuclear security summit

A bunch of world leaders have been hanging out in Washington the last couple days having a sleepover at Barack Obama's place, staying up late at night and telling scary stories about "loose nukes." Chinese leader Hu Jintao mistakenly thought they were discussing his favorite movie Footloose and broke into a dance. Needless to say, the infectious Kenny Loggins groove soon had everyone dancing. Okay, maybe that's not how it's reeeeaalllyyy going down, but world leaders have definitely been in Washington discussing how to achieve high levels of nuclear security, if there is such a thing.

2. carry-on fees

The airlines keep piling on their customers. First, they charge regular people to fly on their planes. Then they start charging obese people for 2 seats. Then they start charging people for checked bags. One Irish airline even started charging people to use the bathroom. But now, the US Senate thinks that Spirit Airlines has gone too far by charging people for carry-on bags. So, to summarize the government's stance: it's okay to charge people to check bags, and it's okay for regular citizens to form a militia, but once you charge people for carry-on luggage, you have clearly crossed a line!

3. twitter search ads

Twitter is selling out! Apparently the social media giant has decided that it would be in their best interest to start trying to make money from their growing business, and will feature "Promoted Ads" in their search results. I'm sure a lot of Twitter hipsters (Twipsters?) and teeny Tweeters (Tweenys?) worldwide are going to be outraged at the fact they Twitter is not providing this service simply out of the goodness of their heart.

4. lexus suv rollover

Toyota was having so much fun with its car safety issues and runaway cars, that it's brother Lexus has decided to get in on the act. So, if you own a Lexus GX460 and you feel it is slightly unsafe or it suddenly rolls over, don't worry, that is totally normal. They all do that. And, of course, if you don't have one, then everyone recommends not to get one...even Lexus.

5. china quake

While its leader was abroad dancing and discussing nuclear safety, China experienced a series of significant earthquakes reaching up to 6.9 in magnitude in the Western half of the country, leaving over 400 dead and almost 10,000 injured. While this part of the country is certainly less-populated than the East, China has almost 2 billion people, so I guess the term less populated is really a relative term.

6. boy scout sex abuse

A bunch of little boys hanging out with a couple of grown men, all wearing silly outfits, and hanging out in the woods? What could possibly go wrong in that scenario? Well, surprisingly, I guess there has been quite a history of abuse by leaders within the organization, and a lot of it is coming to light as an Oregon man filed a sex abuse lawsuit against the Boy Scouts. Who knew?

7. barack obama space

The original moon landing crew has not had a good stretch these last couple weeks. First Buzz Aldrin was kicked off Dancing with the Stars, and now Neil Armstrong has just found out that, unlike that Mars-loving predecessor of his, Barack Obama made significant cuts to the NASA budget. What people didn't tell Neil was that this shouldn't effect his pension...that's the rest of the economy's fault.

8. steven seagal harrassment

In more not-so-shocking news: Steven Seagal has been named in a $1 million sexual harrassment lawsuit by a former personal assistant who claims she was treated like a "sex toy." Not to downplay sexual harrassment, but I don't get what the big deal is, I'm sure a lot of women would give their right arm to be Steven Seagal's sex toy.

9. tonight show band

So, as you may have heard, Kevin Eubanks, the band leader for the Tonight Show is apparently leaving the show in 6 weeks. But, don't fret, it looks like Jay Leno has already found a replacement: American Idol band leader Ricky Minor. Of course, we all know how this will work out: Eubanks will join an unsuccessful show on NBC at 10ET for a few weeks, then eventually want his old job back.

10. glee returns

Speaking of music, after last night's American Idol, that highly realistic show about a bunch of mostly straight popular high school kids joining the school glee club and making it cool to be proud to be yourself returned after a midseason break last night, and it seems like just about everyone has been stricken by Glee fever lately.

Drop that FRESH knowledge!

(These topics are getting hot...)

1. chan ho park sick
Chan Ho Park didn't pitch so well the other day. I guess he wasn't feeling so well. I wish Chan Ho would open up and talk about it a little more.


2. ashley dupre playboy
Ashley Dupre will grace the cover of Playboy magazine for their May issue. For those of you with short memories: she was the one with Elliot Spitzer.

3. bulls fighting
This probably isn't what you think. Chicago Bulls executive John Paxson was not pleased with his coach after a recent game, and I guess he just couldn't find the words to express himself...